Funny Quotes about Money: 50 Witty Sayings about Cash

Introduction

One of the greatest stressors in life is money, but it’s also a source of laughter. From coin counting to dreaming dreams, funny quotes about money remind us that financial issues are universal and deeply human. Whether it’s famous comedians or wise philosophers, people have always been able to find laughter in what they make and what they spend. When the wallet is the heaviest, a good laugh is the best cure for bills and budgeting. These witty sayings are not just funny, but also relatable, and they bring up some unexpected wisdom encased in a joke. So sit back and smile, and watch the humor cure your bank account blues.

50 Funny Quotes about Money

1. “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.” — David Lee Roth

2. “I made my fortune by being ready to go home early.” — J. Paul Getty

3. “The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” — Peter Ustinov

4. “Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.” — Anonymous

5. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope

6. “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” — Jackie Mason

7. “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” — Bo Derek

8. “Shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist.” — Tammy Faye Bakker

9. “My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.” — Errol Flynn

10. “I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the self-help section was. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.” — Dennis Miller

11. “A penny saved is a penny earned — and desperately needed.” — Benjamin Franklin

12. “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.” — Will Rogers

13. “I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.” — George Carlin

14. “Saving money is the best thing you can do — especially from your spouse.” — Anonymous

15. “The safest way to double your money is to fold it once and put it in your pocket.” — Kin Hubbard

16. “Rich people have small TVs and big libraries. Poor people have small libraries and big TVs.” — Zig Ziglar

17. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” — Jackie Mason

18. “The rich are different from us — they have more credit.” — Anonymous

19. “It is a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.” — Albert Camus

20. “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life — or at least afford decent Wi-Fi.” — Anonymous

21. “The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.” — Albert Einstein

22. “Death and taxes are inevitable, but at least death doesn’t get worse every year.” — Will Rogers

23. “The taxpayer is someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take a civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan

24. “Tax reform means don’t tax you, don’t tax me. Tax that fellow behind the tree.” — Russell Long

25. “I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” — Douglas Adams

26. “A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it starts to rain.” — Robert Frost

27. “Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.” — Steven Wright

28. “If you owe the bank a hundred dollars, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank a hundred million dollars, that’s the bank’s problem.” — J. Paul Getty

29. “A loan is the only thing you can return worse than you got it.” — Anonymous

30. “Credit cards are very educational. They teach you that money can’t buy happiness — but the interest will make you miserable.” — Anonymous

31. “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” — Lily Tomlin

32. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb

33. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen

34. “The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.” — Vidal Sassoon

35. “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life — you’ll work incredibly hard with no pay.” — Anonymous

36. “My budget is tight. I’m currently on a seafood diet — I see food and eat it anyway because I already paid.” — Anonymous

37. “A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it.” — William Feather

38. “Money is like blood — it needs to keep circulating, or it will kill the economy… and your marriage.” — Anonymous

39. “I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.” — Paula Poundstone

40. “Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright

41. “October is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. Others are July, January, September, April…” — Mark Twain

42. “Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.” — Spike Milligan

43. “It’s not about how much money you make, but how much money you keep — and how long you hide it.” — Anonymous

44. “Finance is the art of passing currency from hand to hand until it finally disappears.” — Robert W. Sarnoff

45. “Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.” — Groucho Marx

46. “The stock market is filled with individuals who know the price of everything but the value of nothing.” — Philip Fisher

47. “An investment in knowledge pays the best interest — everything else just fluctuates wildly.” — Benjamin Franklin

48. “October is the most dangerous month to invest in stocks — unless it’s November, December, January…” — Mark Twain

49. “The four most dangerous words in investing are: this time it’s different.” — Sir John Templeton

50. “Wall Street is the only place people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from people who take the subway.” — Warren Buffett

 Conclusion

Laughter really is the best — and cheapest — investment you will ever make! Over the centuries, thinkers of great intellect have turned the silly nature of the link between wealth and us to our own advantage. Humor is a leveler for this life, whether rich or poor, or somewhere in between. With this collection of funny quotes about money, you’ll realize that financial advice isn’t necessarily coming from Wall Street, it’s coming from a funny punch-line. Next time your budget is low or your bills are high, remember, if you can laugh about it, you’ve got the most important currency of all, a good sense of humor.

 FAQs

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