Funny Quotes for Husband: 65 Funny Husband Quotes From Wife

Introduction

Funny quotes for husband can bring a smile to your face and lighten the mood in any relationship. Laughter is a great way to connect with your partner, and sharing a humorous quote can make everyday moments more enjoyable. Whether you want to tease him playfully or express your love in a funny way, these quotes are perfect for any occasion. They can be used in cards, texts, or just as a fun conversation starter. Let’s explore some hilarious quotes that will not only make you laugh but also show your husband how much you appreciate him!

65 Funny Quotes for Husband

Here are 65 Funny Quotes for Husband:

1. “When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” — Helen Rowland  

2. “Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.” — Anonymous  

3. “In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf.” — Ruth Bader Ginsburg  

4. “I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” — Cameron Esposito  

5. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” — Groucho Marx  

6. “Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You are one of them.” — Anonymous  

7. “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: You have to start over again every morning.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.  

8. “Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.” — Stephanie Ortiz  

9. “A man doesn’t know what happiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late.” — Frank Sinatra  

10. “I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” — Wendy Liebman  

11. “I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.” — Anonymous  

12. “My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.” — Lee Judge  

13. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner  

14. “Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time.” — Chris Rock  

15. “You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time: Husband!” — Bill Maher  

16. “My husband and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.” — Anonymous  

17. “Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.” — Clint Eastwood  

18. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” — Prince Philip  

19. “Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.” — Billy Connolly  

20. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times—always with the same person.” — Mignon McLaughlin  

21. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Ann Bancroft  

22. “Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse, no matter how stupid his problems sound to you.” — Megan Mullally  

23. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell  

24. “Husbands are like wine; they take a long time to mature.” — Donatella in Letters to Juliet  

25. “We were married for better or worse; I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse.” – Henry Youngman  

26. “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller  

27. “Husbands and wives are so irritating; but without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?” – Janet Periat  

28. “A man should marry because he will be happy if he gets a good wife and a philosopher if he gets a bad one.” – Socrates  

29. “Mine was love at first sight, but I had to take another glance to be sure.” – Anonymous  

30. “Are you looking for a way to prove your love? Pause your game for me.” – Anonymous   

31. “Even though you add meaning to my life, you subtract food from it.” – Anonymous   

32. “Marriage is just a fancy name for putting up with your crazy habits.” – Anonymous   

33. “My husband and I work as a team: I cook, he eats.” – Anonymous   

34. “Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey   

35. “Love is in the air; so is the smell of your dirty gym clothes.” – Anonymous   

36. “Marriage is like a workshop where tools are never in the same place.” – Anonymous 

  

37. “Marriage is the only partnership where one person is always cold, and the other is the husband.” – Anonymous   

38. “My husband can put a smile on my face while making me question everything.” – Anonymous   

39. “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” – Herbert

40. “A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives you his heart.” – Anonymous   

41. “Marriage means commitment; of course, so does insanity!” – Anonymous   

42. “A good marriage starts with laughter; keep laughing!” – Anonymous   

43. “I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes; he cried! Then he hugged me!” – Anonymous   

44. “I love my husband more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it!” – Anonymous   

45. “If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you!” – Anonymous   

46. “My husband has an awesome sense of humor; he thinks he’s funny!” – Anonymous   

47. “Marriage: where ‘yes dear’ becomes an art form!” – Anonymous   

48. “My husband thinks he’s funny; I just think he’s mine!” – Anonymous   

49. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret!” – Henny Youngman    

50. “I told my husband that he should do lunges to stay in shape; that was a big step forward!” – Anonymous    

51. “I never knew what happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late!” – Frank Sinatra    

52. “The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so!” – Gore Vidal    

53. “My husband said he needed more space; so I locked him outside!” – Anonymous    

54. “Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life!” – Rita Rudner    

55. “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr.Seuss    

56.”The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret!” – Henny Youngman

57. “Behind every great man there’s an even greater woman rolling her eyes.” – Anonymous    

58. “Love may be blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener!” – Anonymous    

59.   “Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You are one of them.” — Anonymous

60. “My husband thinks he’s funny; I think he’s mine!” – Anonymous    

61. “Marriage means commitment; of course, so does insanity!” – Anonymous    

62.  “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret!” – Henny Youngman    

63.“My husband has an awesome sense of humor; he thinks he’s funny!” – Unknown    

64.“If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you!” – Unknown    

65.“I never knew what happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late!” – Frank Sinatra    

FAQs

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